


My Funny Valentine

by Tyranasaurus_lex



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-11-05 16:23:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17922245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyranasaurus_lex/pseuds/Tyranasaurus_lex
Summary: After overhearing a conversation between Andrew and Shane that he shouldn't have, Garrett is devastated and determined to spend Valentine's Day and the rest of his life alone. Or can a special someone change his mind?





	1. Chapter 1

It was early midday when Garrett pulled into the driveway of Shane's new house; rays of sunshine bouncing off all the little figurines scattered about the dashboard. To say he was excited to be here was an understatement and he'd barely cut the engine before he was clambering out of the car. The new house was a lot further away from the old one and it had taken Garrett over an hour to drive up here but at least he got to blast Missy Elliot a full volume. This was the first time he'd really seen anybody for a while; Andrew had been busy helping Shane with his next series and Garrett hadn't wanted to get in the way so he'd done his own thing for a bit. That seemed to be happening a lot lately and Garrett understood, he really did, what a massive thing that was for Shane and Andrew but it still didn't stop him feeling sad and lonely all the time. Unfortunately his "own thing" meant not calling or texting any of his friends for weeks on end because he couldn't handle the rejection when they were inevitably too busy to hang out with him. So he'd spent weeks secluded inside his apartment getting even more miserable until his mom had called wanting to know why Shane, Andrew and everyone else was calling her in a panic about where he'd got too.

"I didn't raise you like that Garrett Watt's!" she'd scolded when Garrett had tried to explain his reasoning for ghosting his friends.

Once his mom had stopped yelling at him Garrett had ended up having a bit of a cry over the phone to her, something which he immediately regretted when she'd threatened to fly to L.A to make sure he was OK. He loved his mom but he would probably die of embarrassment if she came all the way out here to just because he'd had a silly misunderstanding with his friends.

"Are you _sure_ you don't want me to come?" she'd pressed once Garrett had finally stopped crying, "I can make you my special carrot cake you like so much."

It took a while to assure her that, yes he was fine and no, he didn't need any cake as well as promising that he would call her again on the weekend before Garrett could get his mom off the phone. Then he'd sheepishly called Shane and tried to apologise, only for his friend to tell him he was being ridiculous.

"You're coming over tomorrow," Shane had informed him, "Ryland's throwing a Valentine's Day party so you can but your Go-Go Gadget Arms to good use and help us set it all up. Then me and Morgan are gonna give you a makeover just in case there's any cute guys at the party."

The idea of a Valentine's Day party didn't exactly thrill Garrett, mostly because everyone else that was going was already a couple and probably the absolute worst bit about being single was other people asking _why_ you were still single. It always made him feel like there was something wrong with him but he just couldn't figure out what it was to try and fix it. Garrett didn't really want a makeover either; he liked his clothes even if they weren't considered fashionable but if he had to suffer through that to spend time with his friends then it would be worth it. Maybe he _would_ meet someone though? No; that was stupid and Garrett resigned himself to being stood awkwardly in a corner all night whilst everyone had fun around him. Pushing the front door open Garrett was about to call out to announce his arrival when a large flash suddenly went off in his face and he was momentarily blinded.

"Finally; I've been standing here waiting for ten minutes!"

It was Shane; dressed in his trademark robe and holding a large camera in his hand whilst Garrett almost stumbled over and blinked up at him.

"I'm taking your picture just in case I need to make missing person flyers of you," Shane informed him as he blasted off the flash again, "So if you decide to disappear again these will be going on the internet."

"Sorry," Garrett mumbled as he tried to shield his eyes once more, "I know you guys are busy and I didn't want to get in the way..."

He trailed off feeling more than a little silly now he was back among his friends and feeling included once more.

"You can still come over Garrett!" Shane said with an exasperated sigh, "Nobodies banned you from the house; Andrew was about to send out a search party for you!"

Hearing Andrews name made the butterflies in Garrett's stomach flutter and his chest abruptly became a little tighter. During his self-imposed absence, Garrett had spoken less to Andrew then he had to anyone because he found himself unable to cope with how utterly devastating he found it when Andrew was too busy to even talk to him. Not having Andrew a phone call or text away had been horrible and Garrett had struggled to try to figure it all out. It was the loss of the little things that hurt the most, like the 3am phone calls when neither of them could sleep or the silly memes they'd send each other. Then plans started getting canceled, like when they'd arranged to have a movie marathon on Andrew's day off only for it to be called off at the last minute because Shane wanted to change some of the editing sequences. After convincing Andrew and Shane that it was fine, it was just a silly movie night after all, Garrett had cried solidly for three hours straight. That was the last time he'd attempted to arrange anything; fearful of what would happen if he was let down again. A horrible ache had opened up inside him but there didn't seem to be any way to keep it shut and his feelings for Andrew had begun to boil over. Over the years "It's just a small crush" had intensified to "I'm desperately in love my best friend" but Garrett was pretty confident that he'd kept his secret under wraps for now. He'd managed to fob Shane off with some rubbish about being "over it" and "moving on" but he wasn't entirely sure he'd convinced him.

"He's upstairs," Shane sighed as if he'd somehow managed to read Garrett's mind, "You can play with him later. First, you're gonna promise me that you'll come to the Valentine's Day party."

Ugh; this sounded like Shane had concocted some sort of plan to hook him up with another other sad, lonely loser.

"You're not going to try and fix me up with some random guy like last time are you?" Garrett asked warily. Shane had tried that once before with a friend of Ryland's and it had gone shockingly badly even by Garrett's standards, "Cus I'd rather just stay home alone if that's the case."

"No; I learned my lesson after last time," Shane grumbled as he led Garrett through to the kitchen, "I don't see why you wouldn't call Paul though, he was _nice_ and..."

Garrett wasn't listening to him; he was staring wistfully at the huge bunch of red and pink roses that were on the kitchen table. Nobody had _ever_ given him flowers nor had he ever really had anyone to give them to in return. Garrett would be good at that type of stuff, he _knew_ he would be, like surprising someone with flowers or making them a nice card just because. Somehow or other he never got the chance to no matter how hard he tried. In the end, all the guys he went on dates with just weren't Andrew and Garrett could never muster up even a _tenth_ of the feelings he felt for his friend for some random dude he met online. That thought made Garrett almost unbearably sad; deep down he knew it was highly unlikely that he was _ever_ going to celebrate Valentine's Day with Andrew the way he wanted to. Going to the party was beginning to feel less and less appealing now that he had actually had time to think about it.

"I don't know Shane," he said as he vividly remembered all his previous Valentines Day's spent either alone or being the perpetual third wheel, "I don't want to just be sat there on my own like a loser."

"You're _not_ a loser Garrett! Please, you _have_ to come. I haven't seen you in like forever and it'll be fun!" Shane insisted as he tried to draw Garrett's attention away from the flowers, "Besides; Andrew will be there _and_ we've got cake!"

Garrett's stomach did a little flip at the thought of spending the whole of Valentine's Day secluded in a corner with Andrew, even if it was in a room full of other people. With both of them being slightly awkward in social situations they always ended up making their own fun at parties and Garrett tried to keep the excitement off his face. Having Andrew all to himself, even if it was only for a few hours, was all he'd ever really wanted these past few weeks but he wasn't about to let Shane know that.

"Do I have-," he started only to be interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming rapidly down the stairs and, as if on cue, Andrew appeared in the doorway. Despite being up all night editing and wearing day-old sweats with a grubby t-shirt, Andrew still looked almost _unbearably_ handsome and his face split into a big beaming smile when he spotted Garrett. It was like something out of a movie and Garrett's stomach did another little wobble when he noticed that Andrew still hadn't shaved since the last time he saw him; he had a real thing for men with beards.

"Hey man!" Andrew grinned as he immediately pulled Garrett into a tight hug, "I thought I heard you; I can tell your mom she doesn't need to send out a search party."

His skin tingled where Andrew touched him and his heart beat erratically in his chest so hard that Garrett thought it might fly out. There were butterflies - no, _lions_ \- in his chest, but it felt good. Andrew was saying something else but his golden red hair, his face, his soft lips, and shoulder muscles were all Garrett's brain could dwell on. This always happened when they'd been apart for a while and he began daydreaming about all the cool things they could do together now that Andrew was almost done working on Shane's new project.

"Garrett?" Andrew repeated as he looked somewhat concernedly at him, "I asked if you were going to come to the party?"

"Sorry," Garrett said; his face turning pink as he had to force himself to look anywhere other than Andrew's lips, "I was just... sorry..."

He dwindled off feeling hopelessly embarrassed that he'd made a fool out of himself but Andrew just burst out laughing and oh how he'd _missed_ that laugh. Maybe it was just his imagination but it felt like Andrew kept looking at him differently, like he'd rather that it was just the two of them, but it was probably just Garrett's imagination working overdrive again.

"I have to finish the rendering on Shane's vlog but we can hang properly later yeah?" Andrew asked him and for some strange reason his cheeks turned a little pink, "You don't mind giving me a ride home later do you?"

"Yeah, that's cool," Garrett replied happily; knowing full well that Andrew would just end spending the night at his apartment like he always did. The thought of Andrew sleeping over made Garrett's mind slip into familiar territory and the little fantasy, ok _big_ fantasy, about him and Andrew declaring their undying love for each other and then having mind-blowing sex came creeping back in.

"Ryland and Morgan are through there," Shane told him, interrupting his Andrew-loves-me-just-as-much-as-I-love-him fantasy, and Garrett had almost forgotten he was there, "Unless you're more interested in standing out here with Andrew and me."

Heat burned his cheeks at Shane's little jab and when Andrew looked in his direction and grinned, Garrett snapped his head away knowing full well that if he continued to stare he would get lost in those big brown eyes.

"Sorry," he babbled for what felt like the _millionth_ time causing Shane to roll his eyes at him, "You guys go and finish what you were doing; I'll help out with the decorating."

"Cool," Andrew said and he gave Garrett's arm a little squeeze before heading back upstairs with Shane.

In a little bit of a daze he wandered through into the living area, his mind still full of Andrew's sweet smile, where he found Morgan and Ryland arguing over an enormous pile of Valentine's Day decorations. From the far side of the room, there was a loud bark and Uno jumped up from his spot on the couch and ran over to him; closely followed by Morgan who abandoned the huge packet of balloons she was holding.

"Yay Garrett's here!" she smiled as she moved in to give him a big hug but then quickly whispered in his ear, "Quick, get out whilst you still can."

"What?" Garrett said when he let her go so he could bend down to scratch Uno behind the ears; delighted when the dog rolled over for a good tummy scratch.

"Hey, Queen!" Ryland called out cheerfully as he made his way over with a notebook and pen, "Finally someone that will actually be of some help around here."

He shot Morgan a disapproving look but his sister merely rolled her eyes at him; muttering under her breath as she threw one of Uno's toys for him to fetch. Garrett had been about to ask why they were so grumpy with each other but he was already being swept up by Ryland who was explaining what look he was going for his the party. It all sounded very polished and professional and Garrett was already getting worried he was going to muck it all up; he got kind of clumsy when he was nervous or under pressure. What if he knocked something over or broke one of the cute little ceramic hearts that were perched dangerously close to the end of the coffee table? Somehow sensing this, Ryland set his notebook down and flipped it open to reveal what appeared to be a very complex drawing complete with citations.

"I've made a chart of where I want stuff to go," Ryland told him kindly, showing Garrett a highly detailed floor plan of the ground floor of his and Shane's house, "Everything's colour coded and numbered so if you get stuck you can just refer back to this."

Instantly relieved Garrett dived into the decorations they'd brought only to find that everything was the typical generic stuff you'd usually find on Valentines Day. Where was all the fun stuff like skeleton's or something with cute baby animals on it?

"Hearts and flowers? Isn't that kind of boring?" Garrett asked even though Morgan was frantically shaking her head at him, "Oh! You could do like zombie glitter hearts or have loads of fake blood and do that scene from Valentine's Day Massacre!"

"I knew you'd say that so I came prepared," Ryland said and he held up a box full of coloured card, some non-fancy balloons, assorted decorations and a tub full of glitter, "You can make all the weird decorations you want later, I've even given you your own designated spot; see?"

He pointed to a section on his floor plan near the kitchen that was labeled "Garrett's Weird Stuff." Taking a closer look at the box Garrett noted that there were a couple of old Halloween decorations in there as well _and_ a full-size paper skeleton. The party was starting to sound a lot more exciting now he had a craft project to busy himself with and Garrett was already thinking about what he could make. Andrew had always liked the little stuffed animals that came out this time of year and Garrett was pretty confident he could craft him one out of glitter and cardboard.

"Hey," Morgan sulked as she took a look at the map over Ryland's shoulder, "How come Garrett gets his own section and I don't?"

"Because he's the only one that's helping!" Ryland told her as he picked up the pile of balloons she'd dropped and handed them back to her, "You can inflate these whilst I supervise where everything's going to go. Come on Garrett; I need you to hang this banner up for me."

Andrew and Shane had disappeared a while ago and Morgan was pretending to read the instructions for the air canister they'd brought for the balloons so she wouldn't have to help. This just left Garrett to be the designated "Human Ladder" and he then spent the next hour being instructed by a militant Ryland about where to hang decorations and holding things in place. It was kind of boring just hanging things up, mainly because Ryland wouldn't listen to any of his suggestions as to where stuff should go.

"You can't hang stuff upside down Garrett," Ryland told him exasperatedly as he unfurled yet _another_ huge red banner, "People have to be able to read what it says!"

Garrett was about to tell him that it would be much more fun if people had to _guess_ what the sign said when Cheeto crept out from wherever he was hiding, decided to use him as a human scratching post and clawed his way up Garrett's leg.

"AGGHHH!" Garrett cried just as Ryland was yelling at him not to drop the banner he was holding leaving Morgan to come to his rescue and attempt to pull the cat away. She wasn't doing a very good job, probably because she was trying her best not to get scratched in the process, and Garrett let out another yelp of pain as Cheeto sank his claws in deeper.

"CHEETO! LET GO!" Morgan shouted as she finally managed to unhook his claws only for the cat to squirm about which resulted in her accidentally dropping him on the floor.

Clearly annoyed, Cheeto hissed at the three of them before darting underneath the dining room table; his big green eyes following them around the room. By this point Garrett was almost certain that his leg had been torn to shreds but when he voiced this concern he got little sympathy in return.

"That's what you get for saying Uno is your favourite," Morgan chided as she went back to pretending to read her instruction manual, "You hurt his feelings."

"It's not _my_ fault Uno is the only normal pet you have!" Garrett snarked back at her as he continued trying to hold the banner straight despite his injured leg, "That cat is the reincarnation of a serial killer I'm sure of it!"

They bickered back and forth for a bit until Ryland shushed the pair of them and put them both back to work; Morgan grumbling that she now had over three hundred balloons to blow up. What felt like hours later they still weren't finished and Garrett's arms were beginning to ache from holding various decorations up for long periods of time. Neither Andrew or Shane had made an appearance yet and Garrett was beginning to worry he wouldn't get to see them at all. What if Shane decided to add more to his series and Andrew had to stay and work again? He was also desperate for a pee _and_ he was pretty sure his leg was still bleeding from where Cheeto had scratched him earlier.

"Ryland," Garrett called out as he fidgeted whilst still trying to hold the paper heart straight, "I _really_ need to go to the bathroom."

"Can't you wait a sec?" Ryland asked as he untangled a long string of pink bunting, "We've only got three more of these left and then we can move onto the balloons and fairy lights."

"No," Garrett told him as he continued to shuffle about from foot to foot, "I _really_ need to go."

"Fine," Ryland said as Garrett quickly handed the banner over to him and practically ran out of the room, "But be quick!"

Once he had finished in the bathroom Garrett was on his way back down to the living room when he heard Andrew and Shane talking quietly in the editing room. He'd promised Ryland he wouldn't be long but he'd barely seen Andrew since he got here and Garrett was itching to spend more time with his friend. Being around Andrew made him feel happy in a way he just couldn't describe; everything just seemed so much more boring when he wasn't around. The door was ajar and he was about to stick his head in to see what they were working on when some of their conversation filtered out.

... come to the Valentine's Day party with me."

"You mean like a date?" Shane was saying and Garrett froze mid-step; his heart pounding in his chest as he paused to listen, "An actual date _date_?! OH.MY.GOD!!"

Wait _...What?_

"Well, yeah. I've waited long enough to ask," Andrew replied and his words slammed through Garrett's heart like a red hot poker; tearing it into tiny pieces, "I can't spend _another_ year being in love with someone and doing nothing about it."

But... but... _what??_

Standing there completely motionless, nausea swirling in his stomach as the full weight of Andrew's words hit him, Garrett struggled to find breath; Andrew was in _love_ with someone? For a whole year??

"... so what are you going to say?" Shane was asking eagerly and Garrett had to grip onto the banister as he suddenly became lightheaded.

"I... uh... I haven't figured that out yet but you can't say _anything_ to Garrett," Andrew told him sternly and Garrett almost threw up at the sound of his name being mentioned, "I need to tell him this myself."

Garrett actually wretched at the point; clapping his hand over his mouth as humiliation and devastation churned around in his gut. All this time Andrew had known, he'd _known_ about Garrett's ridiculous crush on him but obviously just been far too nice to say anything about it.

"I won't I promise," Shane replied excitedly, " _Finally_ Ryland and I get another couple to hang out with! Listen, you _have_ to get flowers though cus..."

Whatever the rest of the conversation was Garrett didn't wait around to hear and he stumbled his way back down the stairs; tears already threatening to spill down his cheeks.

 


	2. Violets Are Blue

In a daze, Garrett stumbled back towards the living room; a horrible ringing in his ears as he tried to get his head around what he'd just heard. Andrew had a... a _girlfriend_? Not even just a girlfriend but someone that he was in love with... someone _special_... someone that wasn't Garrett. Even thinking that made him want to throw up and Garrett had to bite his bottom lip to stop himself from vomiting all over the carpet. _Why_ hadn't Andrew said anything? They told each other _everything,_ or at least Garrett _thought_ they did. What was worse was that this had been going on for a _year_ and he'd never known anything about it. Humiliation burned through his face and Garrett couldn't help but feel anything other than completely and utterly stupid. Despite his best efforts, it had clearly been obvious to Andrew _and_ everyone else just how desperately in love with Andrew he was. Was Garrett the last to know? Had they all just sat about laughing about how dumb he was to think Andrew would even be interested in him?

"GARRETT!!! ARE YOU DONE YET?" Ryland suddenly shouted from the living room, "COME ON GAREBEAR, I NEED YOU TO HOLD THIS BUNTING UP FOR ME!"

Drawing a big shaky breath to compose himself, Garrett felt himself switching onto autopilot as he headed back into the living room. After spending six months successfully keeping his hoarding a secret from everyone and hiding how he was really feeling, even whilst under extreme distress, had almost become second nature to Garrett.

"There you are, you've been gone ages," Ryland scolded as he came round the corner and shoved a load of heart-shaped decorations into Garrett's hands, "Can you hold this up for me? We're starting on the pink phase now."

Garrett then spent the next twenty minutes laughing at Morgan's jokes, offering his opinion on where to hang stuff and maintaining the outward appearance that everything was fine, everything was great. Inside his head was an entirely different matter and Garrett struggled to put the pieces of this particular puzzle together. Andrew had feelings for someone? Yeah, someone that isn't you, his brain told him nastily and Garrett struggled to keep a hold of himself.

"GARRETT!" Ryland yelled and Garrett almost dropped the huge red heart he was holding, "YOU'RE NOT HOLDING IT STRAIGHT!"

"Sorry," Garrett mumbled and he shifted the decoration back into its original position, "I was just... sorry."

It felt like Andrew had cracked open his ribcage, ripped his heart out from his chest and stomped all over it. Even thinking this made Garrett feel even more like an idiot; they'd never even been anywhere _close_ to dating. Clearly, he'd done a very poor job of keeping his ever-evolving feelings for his friend under control if Andrew was already making plans to let him down easy. A fresh wave of embarrassment hit him as Garrett imagined Andrew discussing how awkward Garrett's crush on him was with all their other friends and how uncomfortable it would be telling him about his girlfriend. However, if he was being completely honest this whole thing had gone way past a crush; Garrett was _desperately_ in love with Andrew and had been for years. He'd never met anyone like Andrew, someone who was kind and sweet and funny and had instantly accepted him exactly as he was. Andrew was everything that Garrett had ever wanted in a partner and there had always been a tiny, hopeful part of him that believed that Andrew might one day feel the same way. Being in love with Andrew for all these years was half the reason why Garrett hadn't been able to move on and date other guys. Now that small bit of hope had been completely obliterated and left him feeling like a complete idiot; of _course_ Andrew would never be interested in dating a big gross monster like him. Ryland was handing him some more banners, telling him something about his layout scheme, but Garrett wasn't even listening. Paranoia was rearing its ugly head and he wondered if they all talked about him when he wasn't around. _Silly_ Garrett and his _silly_ feelings, he thought viciously as he accidentally crumpled the corner of the decoration he was holding.

"Oh look; it's the Valentine's Day Giant!" It was Shane heading in from the kitchen and, much too Garrett's horror, with Andrew following closely behind him, "Ready to crush us all with love."

Garrett almost dropped the banner as a hot, red flush crept its way up his neck and his chest began to get tighter and tighter with every step Andrew took towards him. No... _no_ ... he couldn't do this right now, not with what he'd just heard still fresh in his mind. Humiliation was already tearing its way through his stomach and Garrett looked desperately around for a means of escape. Shane and Andrew were almost upon him now and he _wished_ he'd left when he'd still had the chance. Then he would have been long gone before anyone would have even noticed but now Garrett was forced to stand here holding the stupid heart and looking like an idiot. Andrew was smiling at him but all Garrett could do was replay those gut-wrenching words about Andrew being in love with someone that wasn't and would never be him over and over again until he felt sick.

"Smile!" Shane said as he whipped his phone out and snapped a picture of Garrett holding up the giant Valentine's Day heart looking utterly miserable, "Or, you know, don't."

Lowering his phone, Shane frowned at him, clearly confused by Garrett's complete change of mood from earlier. Smiling was the last thing he wanted to do and Garrett's mind rapidly began to spiral down a multitude of negative thoughts. What if Shane showed the picture of him to Andrew's new girlfriend? Like, "This is poor, sad Garrett; the one who's had a silly crush on your new boyfriend for years. Please be nice to him, he can't help that he was dumb enough to fall in love with a straight guy." Feeling even more awkward and uncomfortable than usual Garrett suddenly wished he'd bothered to get his hair cut or ironed his shirt properly or taken up boxing lessons like he'd wanted too. Why couldn't he just look nice for once? As if on cue, all of Garrett's tried and true insecurities came bubbling to the surface when he thought about how the girl would react when she saw a picture of her "competition". How was he _ever_ going to compete for Andrews's affections looking the way he did? Gay guys didn't even want to go out with him let alone straight guys. Something must have shown on his face though because Shane was starting to ask him if he was ok when Ryland beckoned him from across the room.

"Shane; leave him alone!" he called out which gave Morgan ample opportunity to sneak away from blowing up all her balloons, "I need your help over here!"

Casting one last look at Garrett, Shane wandered over to where Ryland was sorting the balloons into three different coloured piles. Thankful to see him leave, Garrett's instant relief was abruptly replaced by sheer panic as he realised that he and Andrew had now been left completely alone together. The colour slowly drained away from his face as Andrew started searching through the pile of decorations near his feet; telling Garrett how nice it was of him to help out like this. At some point, Andrew spotted one of the little red plushie teddies that had pink hearts stuck all over them; beaming as he bent down to take a look at it and another wave of embarrassment hit Garrett as he remembered the plushie lion he'd brought Andrew for Valentines Day that was back at his apartment.

"Do you want me to hold that for a while?" Andrew asked once he'd put the teddy down and came over to Garrett's side, "We can take turns if you want."

He was being almost unbearably kind like he always was, and Garrett felt like throwing up and crying all at the same time. The air seemed to grow thicker and he was desperate to escape but the opportunity to leave was long gone by this point. Now he was stuck and Garrett was forced to stand here and pretend like nothing was wrong but, unfortunately, he wasn't doing a very good job.

"I don't need your help," Garrett snapped; his voice coming out all weird and strangled as he struggled not to burst into tears.

Andrew blinked at him and even Garrett was a little shocked; _never_ in the history of their friendship had they spoken to each other like Garrett just had. Sure, Andrew had been a little sulky when Garrett had first begun hanging out with Shane but then he'd gone off with Gabbie and it was Garrett's turn to mope. Everything had changed once Andrew became single again and Garrett had got him a job working with Shane. Then they were back to doing everything together and Garrett had easily hidden just how much in love he was with Andrew under the guise of "hanging out" with his friend. Now everything was back to being all weird again.

"Ok..." said Andrew, still frowning slightly at Garrett's rudeness, "Well, just let me know if you need a break."

Then he sat down in the chair next to where Garrett was standing and began chatting away about some film he thought Garrett would be interested in, like the whole conversation he'd had with Shane didn't even happen. As if on instinct Garrett stepped away from him but Andrew didn't appear to notice and carried on talking; completely oblivious to the fact that the little bubble Garrett had built for himself, the one where Andrew might actually be interested in him, had just blown up in his face. The walls were beginning to feel like they were closing in on him, suffocating him almost, and Garrett found it hard to breathe whilst Andrew rambled on and on as if everything was still the same between them.

"... could watch it tonight if you're not doing anything... we could get those burritos you like..."

For the first time in his life, Garrett found that he couldn't stand to be anywhere near Andrew and he _hated_ himself for even thinking like that. It wasn't Andrews's fault he'd gone and fallen in love with his straight best friend, it wasn't Andrew's fault that he'd read too much into what was clearly just friendly interactions and it wasn't Andrew's fault that Garrett was so incapable of finding an actual gay person to date. This was all on him and Garrett spent the next ten minutes desperately fighting back the tears that kept threatening to pour down his cheeks. Deep down he'd always known that Andrew would find someone but Garrett had always pushed that thought right into the back of his mind; it was easier to pretend that it would always just be the two of them. Garrett had tried, or at least he thought he had, to put himself out there and find someone of his own but all of his dates had either fizzled out or ended in disaster.

"... or we could stay in and play video games... that new Spiderman one you kept telling me about or..."

Anxiety was eating away at his insides now and Garrett was seriously considering throwing the banner he was holding to the ground and bolting straight out of the door. Andrew was currently distracted by one of the plushie teddy bears Ryland had decorated around the fireplace and Garrett had long legs; he was pretty sure he could make it to the door without anyone stopping him. 

"Are you ok?" Morgan asked quietly; she'd come over to fetch some sticky tape and was now casting a worried glance over him, "You've gone a funny colour."

"Yeah," Garrett lied as he instantly plastered on a big fake smile like he always did when he didn't want to anyone to know just how badly he was hurting on the inside, "I was just... stretching my legs."

She didn't look very convinced but before she could say anything else, Garrett was summoned by Ryland to help untangle the heart-shaped fairy lights he'd brought. Desperate to get away from Andrew, Garrett shoved the banner at Morgan and quickly busied himself trying to figure out which end of the lights was which. His hands were trembling by this point and his stomach turning over to the point where he actually had to clamp his mouth shut for fear he was going to be sick. _How_ had he not seen this coming? Garrett knew everything about Andrew, _everything_ , right down to his not-so-secret beatboxing prowess, the collection of small stuffed animals he had hidden in his apartment (they'd spent an afternoon naming them all and giving them cool backstories), his motion sickness that he didn't tell anyone about and his fascination with really awful shark attack films. Andrew would have at least dropped some hints, right? Like, when he was going out to bar with Ricky he always asked Garrett if he wanted to go so he couldn't have met someone there. Unless he'd been going out in secret? Maybe... A myriad of thoughts and feelings were crashing around inside Garrett's brain and he struggled with the realisation that he clearly didn't know Andrew as well as he thought he did. Then there was also the fact that Andrew had been in love with this girl for a _year_ and never said anything, at least not to Garrett. All though he'd probably been so wrapped up with his stupid crush on the other man, that he'd missed all the signs. Yeah, that was it Garrett thought; Andrew had _clearly_ been trying to let him down easy for weeks, months even, but he had been too stupid to even notice.

"Do you want to go and grab some dinner tomorrow night? We could go to that new place Mullen's; it supposed to be pretty cool," Andrew asked as he suddenly appeared at Garrett's elbow and handed him another bundle of fairy lights, "My treat."

His fingers brushed against Garrett's, something that would normally thrill him, but now it just made him feel cold and empty and Garrett jerked his hand away like he'd been burned. Everything just felt _weird_ and _wrong_ now besides, Mullen's wasn't exactly the type of place they'd usually frequent. It was in the bougie part of town and therefore it was extremely expensive and Garrett was confused as to why Andrew had suggested it. They normally went to dive bars or trashy fast food places and, more often than not, they would just order in and eat sat on the floor of Garrett's tiny kitchen where it was warm and cosy. Then like a slap in the face, it hit him; the sudden desire to go to a fancy restaurant, Andrew insisting that he pay. This whole dinner trip had obviously been planned out so that Garrett wouldn't cause a scene and embarrass everyone or, more likely, burst into hysterical tears at the middle of the table.

"I heard they have a whiskey cocktail that supposed to be really good," Andrew told him but Garrett was barely even listening to him.

The awful realisation of how excited he would have been by this offer had he not known about the development in Andrews love life had just hit him. The build-up would have been gradual throughout the day with him daydreaming off and on that Andrew was going to reach for his hand across the table and confess that he had feelings for his friend, feelings that he could no longer deny. Garrett would have put on his best shirt and would even have attempted to iron it, cut his hair, shaved his beard and made sure he looked a lot more presentable than he usually did. Like someone that you'd actually want to date and would be willing to be seen in public with. Now that bubble had burst and now Garrett knew that there would be declaration of love, no candlelit kiss, no going back to Garrett's for a shot of whisky before they tumbled into bed together. All there would be was a horrible awkwardness between them as Garrett tried to pretend that his whole world hadn't been smashed into smithereens.

"No," he said abruptly; trying to ignore Shane who was now hovering nearby and kept shooting them concerned glances, "I mean... I'm kinda busy with... stuff."

"Oh. Oh ok well, maybe we could go once we've finished here?" Andrew pressed, clearly keen to get this over with so he could move on with his life and not have to worry about Garrett anymore, "Or we could do lunch tomorrow instead?"

Garrett was suddenly reminded of his childhood dog, Peach, who'd gotten old and sick and eventually had to be put down. They took her out for a walk in the park she always liked to play in, threw her favourite ball for her and treated Peach to a fancy steak for her last supper. The poor thing had had such a lovely day that she had no idea what was even happening to until it was too late. Great; Andrew may as well take him out back and shoot him like Old Yeller.

"You guys can go if you're hungry," Shane chimed in as he scooted closer to them and Garrett was unable to stop the rush of hurt that rose up inside him.

Over the past few months Shane had spent _hours_ cooped up with Andrew in the editing room; he _must_ have known about the girlfriend for ages. That hurt, that _really_ hurt, because Shane knew, he _knew_ , how Garrett felt about Andrew. How many times had he poured his heart out to Shane about how he was struggling with all his ever-increasing feelings about Andrew? How many times had he gone to Shane's completely miserable because Andrew would never feel the same way about him? A little heads up would have been nice, then Garrett could have gotten used to the idea and not had the prospect of Andrew's new girlfriend thrown at him like a hand grenade. A horrible thought crossed his mind, of which there seemed to be many this evening, what if Shane and everyone sat around talking about what an idiot Garrett was and how dumb he was to think that Andrew would ever like him back?

"You ok Garrett?" Shane queried and panic thudded in Garrett's chest when he realised that Ryland and Morgan were both now looking at him as well, "You're acting really odd even for you."

"Are you sick?" Andrew asked and Garrett felt his chest start to tighten as Andrew reached out to feel his forehead, "Cus I can take you home if you're not feeling well."

The last thing he wanted was to be trapped in a car with Andrew for the hour and a half journey with no means of escape whilst he got "dumped". It was all getting too much by this point and Garrett didn't think he even had the energy to fake being happy for Andrew which made him unbearably sad; he _loved_ his friend and all he wanted was for him to be happy. That didn't mean he could quite face the prospect of Andrew being with someone, _anyone_ , else right at that moment.

"I'm fine," he eventually ground out, turning back to the tangle of lights and ignoring Andrew completely, "I'm just not hungry."

This would normally be where Shane would make a joke about his weight and they'd banter back and forth for a bit but he remained oddly silent. Morgan and Ryland had gone back to blowing up the balloons which just left Shane and Andrew hovering awkwardly whilst Garrett continued to ignore the pair of them. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shane shrug at Andrew who looked more than a little upset at Garrett's sudden hostility. This wasn't the narrative that they were all used to; Garrett was the permanently positive, upbeat one that never yelled at anyone. His eyes started to water again as he thought about how miserable and lonely the next few months where going to be now he had even less people to hang out with. Another ten minutes dragged on like a slow death march and Garrett almost cracked under the pressure before he decided he just couldn't take it anymore.

"I need to go," he blurted out; throwing down the tangle of fairy lights and getting to his feet.

There was a slight pause as everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at him; even Cheeto who had crept out from underneath the table and was batting the string of fairy lights around with his paw.

" _What_? We need you to help put the rest of the decorations up," Ryland said as he hurried over to him and shooed the cat out of the way, "You've got longer arms than anyone else!"

"Yeah... sorry, but my brother needs me to help him with... something," Garrett mumbled as he started pulling his coat on and tried to ignore all the weird looks everyone was giving him, "Sorry."

Ryland looked like he was about to say something else but Morgan caught him by the elbow and pulled him away. Within a few seconds, they were back to bickering about the balloons and Garrett thought he was free to go. It was only then that he noticed Andrew getting up to leave as well and Garrett remembered that he'd promised him a ride home. Dammit; now what was he supposed to do?

"You don't mind getting an Uber do you?" he said quickly before Andrew had even had time to put his shoes on, "I've really got to go."

"But you told me Drew wasn't getting here until Thursday," Andrew reminded him; his eyebrows drawn together in a frown, "We were gonna take him to that cartoon museum and then go to dinner remember?"

Shit; why did Andrew have to remember _every_ little thing he said? It's not like he'd even want to go now anyway, not now he had someone else to spend his time with. Flustered, Garrett fought back against his intense desire to turn around and run as he tried to come up with something more believable.

"I meant my other brother," Garrett lied; trying to ignore the fact that his cheeks were burning because he really sucked at lying, "He needs me to...ummm... help... him...-"

"I thought you said he'd gone to Arizona with your mom?" Andrew interjected, sounding rather cross and Garrett found himself getting upset again; what did Andrew care about what Garrett did now he had his new girlfriend?

"Well you don't know everything do you?!" he snapped; hating himself even more as a look of pure hurt spread across Andrews' face, "Now I've _really_ have to go."

The sooner he got out of here the better but Andrew seemed unwilling to let him leave, despite Garrett being a complete asshole to him and tried, once again, to convince him to stay.

"Can't you ju-" he started but Garrett quickly cut him off.

"I just said I've got to go!" he yelled; unable to stop his voice from rising, "I do have other things going on in my life besides you, you know."

All four of them looked at him; Ryland and Morgan confused as to why Garrett was being so uncharacteristically mean and Shane almost in disbelief because Garrett _never_ raised his voice and especially not to Andrew. It felt like some horrible monster had taken over his body, this _wasn't_ him, but Garrett found he couldn't stop his hurt and resentment from seeping out. Keeping his eyes glued to the floor Garrett found he couldn't even look at Andrew and he hurriedly zipped his coat up.

Andrew didn't say anything else after that and instead sank down onto the couch; his expression unreadable. Maybe if Garrett was horrible enough then Andrew wouldn't even bother trying to be kind about his new girlfriend and just leave Garrett alone. It was making him feel sick at just how easy it was to push Andrew away like this and how it would probably be even easier to cut himself out of Andrew's life completely. Garrett had gotten pretty good at ghosting people by now and it wasn't like Andrew would miss him all that much. He'd build a new life with his girlfriend and go on couples trips and celebrate anniversaries; not hang out with his sad single friend. By this point, his hands were shaking and it took Garret a minute to finally do his coat up before he was finally able to bolt for the exit.

"You'll be back for the party on Valentines Day though right?" Shane called out to Garrett's already retreating back as Ryland dumped another load of decorations into his arms, "It starts at six!"

"Yeah. Maybe. I dunno," Garrett said as he brushed past them all and made a beeline for the door; ignoring Andrews renewed pleas for him to stay.

It was better this way, he thought, as he hurried to his car and wrenched open the door. Now they could all get on with meeting Andrew's new girlfriend without having to worry about Garrett having a breakdown. His phone was already ringing incessantly but Garrett ignored it as he fumbled with his car keys before eventually shoving his keys into the ignition. Andrew would move on with his life with his new girlfriend, get married, have kids and Garrett would just be... on his own probably; like always. The hours' drive home felt like an awful never-ending nightmare but Garrett somehow made it all the way to the bottom of his driveway before he burst into loud, angst-ridden sobs. Letting out a wail of anguish Garrett clutched his chest as his heart finally shattering into a million pieces because for one tiny, shining moment he'd thought Andrew had been talking about him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Tell me again what happened?” Ricky asked; handing over a plate of scrambled eggs and a cup of juice to Andrew who was currently slumped over his kitchen table, “Start from the beginning.”

It was barely eight thirty in the morning and Andrew felt kind of bad for dragging Ricky out of bed so early but he was _desperate_ for someone to talk to. He hadn’t slept all night; his mind churning round and round as he tried to figure out what the hell he’d done to make Garrett so upset. Shane had been just as confused as he was and had gone on and on and _on_ until Andrew couldn’t take it anymore and shut himself away in the editing room. Nobody bothered him after that; except for Morgan who stuck her head in around three thirty in the morning to tell him they were all going to bed.

“Everything will be all right,” she said kindly when she scooped up Cheeto on her way out to stop him from chewing on all the computer wires.

Andrew didn’t see how; the numerous phone calls, texts and memes he’d sent to Garrett had all gone unanswered or unread. Unable to take the not knowing any longer Andrew had grabbed his stuff and taken the first Uber he could find straight to Garrett’s apartment, only to be stood knocking on the door for ten minutes straight with no answer. He’d even tried shouting through the letterbox but the woman that lived upstairs threw her window open and yelled at him to “Quit hollering at this God forsaken hour!” so he’d hidden behind the trashcans until she went back inside. In the end, Andrew had hung around for another ten minutes, debating if he could fit through Garrett’s tiny bathroom window that had been left open before eventually giving up and running straight to Ricky’s.

“Again?” Andrew sighed as he took the plate from Ricky and poked miserably at his food for a bit, “I already told you Ricky; Garrett yelled at me.”

Garrett hadn’t just yelled, he’d been _mean_ which was a concept so bizarre that Andrew could barely get his head around it. He’d left out the bit where Garrett had told him, or rather shouted, that Andrew didn’t know _everything_ about him; those words had cut down _deep_. How could he even _say_ that? It was Andrew, and _only_ Andrew, Garrett had told about how unhappy he was with his body image, it was Andrew that knew just how good of a singer Garrett really is and it was Andrew that always made sure they slept with the light on because he knew that Garrett was too embarrassed to tell anyone that he was still afraid of the dark. It had been like taking a punch to the gut being and Andrews eyes began to water; they told each other _everything_. Well, not _quite_ everything…

"Are you sure he was yelling?” Ricky asked whilst he pondered over the tale of misery Andrew had just told him, “He wasn’t just goofing around?”

“I know what yelling sounds like Ricky,” Andrew grumbled; sneaking a piece of egg to Delilah who was mewing at his feet, “One minute he was fine and then the next he was just… _weird_.”

“All right…” Ricky muttered as he cleared Andrews’s untouched food away; “I was just checking.”

Ignoring the loud rumble his stomach gave, Andrew had been about to ask Ricky what he thought he should do when the doorbell rang. For a wild moment, Andrew thought that it was going to be Garrett. Swallowing nervously, his mouth going dry, he watched Ricky head off to answer the door; Delilah trotting along behind him. A knot of sickness had formed in Andrews' stomach; what if Garrett yelled at him again? Or had come over to say he never wanted to see Andrew ever again? All too quickly Ricky was on his way back and Andrew felt his entire body prickle with anxiety.

“I brought reinforcements,” Ricky told him; jerking his thumb behind him and Andrew was both disappointed and relieved to see their mutual friend Matt walking towards him.

“What the _hell_ happened?” Matt asked; pulling off his jacket off and sitting down at the table, “I thought you and Garrett were supposed to be out at dinner?”

Andrew then had to recount the whole sorry tale to Matt who was listening closely; his eyebrows drawn together in a frown.

“Garrett yelled,” he queried whilst Ricky poured him a cup of coffee, “At you?”

“Yes!” Andrew insisted all though the more time he said it out loud, the more difficult it was to believe.

“So the whole speech thing that Ricky planned out with you,” Matt chided before picking up his cup and Andrew squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, “The bit where you were just going to tell Garrett that you’re in love with him didn’t happen then I take it?”

It sounded so _easy_ when Matt said it like that but it had taken Andrew a year to realise his feelings for Garrett went a lot further than friendship and another year on top of that to build up the courage to do anything about it. Part of him had secretly hoped that Garrett would just _guess_ and do all the hard work for him but so far he’d remained oblivious to Andrews subtle flirting.

“No! I mean…,” Andrew explained; his voice rising slightly with frustration at himself more than anyone else, “I just wanted it to be special!”

Andrew had had it all planned out for _weeks_ ; first, he was going to take Garrett out somewhere nice to dinner, not the crummy old dinners they usually went to, and then they’d go back to Garrett’s for a few shots of whisky. They’d be sat on the couch, their knees touching and their hands brushing against each other, and Andrew would _finally_ tell his friend how he really felt about him. There would also be kissing involved he was sure of it.

“Andrew this isn’t a Disney movie,” Matt reminded him and Andrew’s eyes began to blur when he remembered the Sunday afternoon he and Garrett had spent under a blanket watching Tangled, “Instead of this whole production thing you’ve got going on, why don’t you just ask him out like a regular person? Because I guarantee you he’s gonna say yes.”

“Maybe he’s not interested in me like that after all; you heard what happened last night! I mean, I could have got this all wrong,” Andrew burst out desperately whilst both Ricky and Matt let out loud groans of exasperation, “What?”

“Oh my god, Andrew we’ve _talked_ about this!” Matt cried as he almost tore his moustache out in frustration, “He loves you! Like, _literally_ loves you! If you’re not going to do anything about it then you need to stop sulking and move on.”

“Then why was he shouting at me and saying I didn’t know- that I’m not…” Andrew yelled trailing off almost to the point of tears and was unable to bring himself to tell them _exactly_ what Garrett had said to him.

Matt looked like he was about to say something else but Ricky stepped in; sensing the tension in the room was beginning to build. Andrew didn’t blame Matt; he’d known Garrett longer than anyone and had always been very protective of him throughout his various ups and downs.

“Let’s all just calm down for a second ok?” Ricky suggested, shooting Matt a cursory glance before turning back to Andrew, “We’ll get this sorted out Andrew, Garrett’s probably just upset about something else.”

That thought didn’t make him feel any better and they sat in silence for a while; Andrew angrily brushing the tears off his face whilst the other two were deep in thought. Delilah had jumped up on his lap and Andrew was very grateful for the calming presence of her warm little body curled up in his lap gave him.

“Ok,” Matt said after what felt like forever; leaning forward and steepling his fingers together, “We can still fix this; we just need to figure out what went wrong and why.”

“This is like the Council of Elrond; which makes you Samwise Andrew and Garrett can be Frodo,” Ricky beamed and Andrew couldn’t help but smile; Garrett would have _loved_ that reference.

They then went over the entire evening again, point by point, with Matt and Ricky stopping him every two seconds to ask questions. It was exhausting and Andrew fumbled his words a few times but it was worth it if they could get to the bottom of why everything had gotten so messed up. He was just at the bit where he’d been sitting with Garrett whilst he’d been hanging the decorations up when Matt interrupted again.

“Why am I not surprised that this happened?” he sighed heavily and Andrew couldn’t help but feel a little offended.

"What do you mean?" he asked whilst the other two glanced at each other.

“Well… you’re not very good at this type of stuff are you?” Ricky told him gently as Andrew opened his mouth to speak, “Flirting, romance in general. All though Garrett is terrible too so…”

“I’m not _that_ bad!” Andrew claimed but his cheeks flushed red with embarrassment and he was left feeling like a bit of an idiot.

“It took you long enough to realise just how into you Garrett was and before that we had to endure the whole Gabbie fiasco,” Ricky reminded him and Andrew cringed inwardly, “You need to be more confident in saying what you really want otherwise you’re going to end up in another mess.”

Andrew had liked Gabbie as a friend but somehow, and he still wasn’t quite sure how this had happened, they’d ended up dating. Looking back now he could see where this was when Garrett had begun to drift away from him; his dates with Shane having quickly fizzled out and turned into strong friendship instead. Prior to moving to L.A Andrew hadn’t known any gay people, which now seemed stupid ‘cus they were probably just scared about coming out in such a small town. He’d dated a few girls in college but it was never anything serious and he wasn’t really bothered when the relationships inevitably fizzled out. Then he’d come to L.A and everything was just so _different_ and it scared Andrew a lot as he tried to figure out just what exactly was going on inside his head. One thing he’d always known for sure was that his feelings for Garrett had always been different; it had just taken Andrew some time to figure out just exactly how different.

He’d tried to make it work with Gabbie and suppress whatever it was he was feeling for his friend, but his desires always managed to claw their way out eventually. She’d been giving him a blow job once and Andrew couldn’t stop himself from imagining that it was Garrett’s head that was bobbing between his legs. Guilt had eaten away at him and Andrew had tried to push any thoughts of Garrett, friendship included all the way into the deepest corner of his mind. They’d stopped hanging out after that, even though Andrew knew how much it had hurt Garrett and his own jealousy increased tenfold when he saw how much fun Garrett was having with Shane. It had been a relief when a few months later he and Gabbie had broken up and he and Garrett were back to being inseparable again. Ricky had asked him once if he thought he was gay and Andrew said he didn’t know, he just knew that the feelings he was having for Garrett he’d never felt before and it terrified him.

“Go back to the bit where you asked him out,” Matt urged him and Andrew rubbed his eyes tiredly with the back of his hand, “Tell us _exactly_ what you said to him.”

"I already told you," Andrew ground out trying to hold back his frustration with the pair of them, "I asked him out to dinner and he blew me off; made up some story about his brother coming down early."

“Did you _say_ it was a date though?” Ricky queried whilst he filled up Matts coffee cup and forced some toast onto Andrew, “You _did_ stick to the plan like we told you too didn’t you?"

"Well no…” Andrew admitted just as the other two exchanged eye rolls, “I mean, everyone was there and I got nervous so it just kind of came out all wrong.”

The plan had been to ask Garrett once they were back at his apartment but Andrew had gotten overexcited once he finally saw Garrett; he’d done his disappearing act again and Andrew had barely seen him in weeks.

“So how’s he supposed to know it’s a date then?” Matt pressed before taking a sip of his drink, “You guys go out for food all the time. What’s supposed to make this time special?”

“Because I picked somewhere nice!” Andrew burst out; scaring Delilah so much she sprang off his lap and retreated underneath Ricky’s chair, “ _And_ it’s almost Valentine’s Day; I thought he might get the hint.”

“You _know_ what he’s like,” Matt reminded him with a sigh, “You could have dropped an anvil-sized hint on him and he still wouldn’t get it. Trust me; he’s got _no_ idea what’s going on inside that head of yours.”

“How do you _know_ that though? What if he just didn't want to go?” Andrew fretted because he thought he’d made it more than a little bit obvious how he felt about Garrett.

“Because I asked him,” Matt said simply causing Andrew to almost choke on his piece of toast, “Sometimes you’re all flirty with him and then you freak out and go all weird and he gets confused. I get it, the whole figuring out your sexuality thing is rough but you’re hurting him by not saying anything.”

“I don’t mean to!” Andrew cried because hurting Garrett was the total opposite of what he was trying to do, “It’s just there was never a right time before and he’s been through a lot this year; I wanted everything to be perfect!”

Matt was shaking his head and even Ricky was looking a little exasperated and Andrew realised with a sinking feeling that neither of them really understood. It was a running joke that Garrett was the “Third Wheel” in everyone else’s relationships or got rejected by every guy he tried to hook up with. In typical Garrett fashion he always laughed it off but the joke was wearing thin these days and Andrew could see how unhappy he was that he didn’t have anyone special of his own. It might have taken him some time to realise it but Andrew wanted to be that special person, the person that would treat Garrett with all the love and kindness he deserved if Garrett would still let him. However, the doubt was creeping back in now and Andrew was kicking himself that he hadn’t spoken sooner.

“I get that you want this to be special and that’s nice and all but you’re thinking about this _way_ too much,” Ricky explained to him kindly, “You just need to go round there tell him how you feel.”

“What if I mucked it all up?” Andrew said hysterically; remembering just how _angry_ and upset Garrett had sounded, “What if I’ve lost my chance because I didn’t say anything before?!”

“You haven’t lost your chance. He was probably just in his feelings about being alone Valentine’s day like he usually is and you just got caught up in it,” Ricky thought out which made Andrew feel a little better but not by much because that still left Garrett being upset about something, “Which wouldn’t have happened if you just told him how you felt _months_ ago like we told you to do.”

“You need to sort yourself out, Andrew; we all saw how upset you got when that Jeffree guy started flirting with him,” Matt told him sternly, “If you leave it any longer he’s gonna go off with some loser like he always does because he doesn’t think he deserves any better.”

It was no secret that Jeffree being so open about wanting to sleep with Garrett had made Andrew feel insanely jealous _and_ uncomfortable. _Never_ had he heard someone be so upfront about wanting to “fuck” Garrett and it had been like some terrible form of torture to stand there and have to film it all. He’d even had to take a break at one point because Jeffree was all over Garrett like a rash; touching him, holding his hand, telling him he looked nice, offering to go down on him in the Wallmart parking lot. _Andrew_ did all that stuff, except the oral sex bit, and Garrett had always got this cute little blush whenever Andrew would compliment him. Now Jeffree was doing all that stuff and Garrett was lapping it up like he’d been starved of attention all these years. It hadn’t taken long for Andrews’s imagination to run away with itself and he’d spiralled into a panic at the notion that Garrett might actually take Jeffree up on his offer. Perhaps what was _worse_ was the idea that Shane and Jeffree had just been making fun of Garrett. Like a prank for the video or something? The last thing he wanted was for Garrett to get hurt but when he saw the way Jeffree looked at Garrett like he was a tub of funfetti icing that he wanted to eat, Andrew’s jealously wrapped itself around him like a suit of armour.

“I’m gonna text Garrett,” Matt told them as he pulled his phone out and Andrew felt the knot of sickness in his gut slacken a little, “And make sure he hasn’t run off with some nut-job off Tinder.”

The word “Tinder” made Andrews chest instantly go tight and he fidgeted anxiously whilst Matt typed the message out to Garrett. It felt like he was typing incredibly slowly and Andrew had to sit on his hands to prevent himself from ripping the phone out of Matt’s hand and doing it himself. Like a jealous not-quite-ex-or-any-other-type-of-boyfriend, Andrew _hated_ it when Garrett talked to other guys but it killed him to see Garrett get rejected time and time again. Then the horrible part of his brain would kick in, the part that felt glad that Garrett hadn’t met anyone because it still gave him time to sort out all his very complicated feelings for his best friend. Before he could dwell too much on this, Matt’s phone pinged and Andrew saw Garrett’s name appear upside down on the screen.

“What did he say?” Andrew asked desperately even though Matt had barely even picked up his phone, “Is he ok?”

"Well he’s pretending like he’s fine," Matt told him as he typed out a quick response, "Which is classic Garrett when he’s upset."

Slumping back in his seat Andrew picked miserably with his fingernails; he was hoping that Garrett might have said something to Matt about what the hell had been going on with him last night.

“Are you sure it’s not the hoarding thing again?” Ricky asked him as he bent down to pick up Delilah from where she was hiding, “Didn’t you say it’s supposed to be caused by stress? He’s had a pretty tough start to the year, maybe it’s that?”

Guilt swirled in Andrews’s stomach; he’d _never_ forgive himself for noticing sooner that Garrett had been struggling. It had started gradually, with Garrett suggesting that they use Shane’s office to hang out in rather than his new apartment; it had more space for them to edit in and a fully stocked kitchen. At first, it had all seemed pretty logical and Andrew had gone along with it but as time had gone on it was clear that something was very wrong with his friend.

Garrett just didn’t seem as happy as he usually did and he was almost always permanently exhausted to the point where he’d fallen asleep on Andrew a bunch of times. He wasn’t eating right either and when Shane had made a joke about his weight, Garrett had gone silent instead of laughing it off like he usually did. Then there was the fact that no matter how many times Andrew asked to come over to his place, there was always some excuse. It was frustrating and confusing because Andrew thought that if he could just get Garrett on his own, he’d feel more comfortable opening up about how he really felt.

Unfortunately, Andrew didn’t have much time to figure out what was going on with Garrett because Shane’s series with Jeffree and then Jake Paul had begun and he was thrown into a world of late night editing and stress eating. It had gotten to the point where three weeks had gone past before he realised that he hadn’t seen or heard from Garrett at all. That’s when he began to get worried because he knew how left out Garrett had been feeling, so he’d called Garrett to arrange a movie night for the two of them only to be completely brushed off.

“Sorry, but my sisters coming to stay,” Garrett told him when Andrew had asked him point blank if he could stay over, “Maybe next week or you know… some other time.”

It had been an outright _lie_ and Andrew had gotten pissed off and not bothered to invite Garrett to the game night Ricky was having; snapping at anyone that asked him where Garrett was. It had been _months_ since he’d even set foot in Garrett’s apartment and a horrible thought had entered his head; what if Garrett had a secret boyfriend? Maybe he was dating someone and didn’t want anybody to know for some reason? Jealousy had reared its ugly head again but somehow Andrew knew it wasn’t that; Garrett had no idea how Andrew felt about him and would have said if he’d met someone. What if it was just that Garrett didn’t want to be friends anymore with him anymore? No… that wasn’t it either because Garrett had gotten upset when Andrew had to cancel on him multiple times when he was working on the Jake Paul series. So what _was_ it then? He’d been sulking in the kitchen alone when Garrett had called him and Andrew had thought about not picking up but only for a brief second.

“Yeah,” he grunted; Garrett’s earlier lie and all the other lies still fresh in his mind.

“Can you come over?” Garrett had asked; he sounded _weird_ but Andrew’s pride was hurt and he didn’t feel like being overly friendly just yet.

“I thought I wasn’t allowed over anymore?” he snarked as he shifted into the corner so no one else could hear him, “You know, cus your sisters there an all.”

“ _Please_ ,” Garrett begged, “Can you _please_ come over? I’ll explain everything I promise.”

He’d sounded almost on the verge of tears and Andrews’s earlier anger had quickly vanished so he’d slipped out during a particularly savage game of Twister and walked the short distance to Garrett’s new apartment. Surprisingly Garrett was already waiting for him at the doorway; looking anxious and fidgety.

“Ok, so what… _Jesus!”_ Andrew gasped as he looked around in shock at the absolute _state_ that Garrett had been living in.

Andrew had to shove the door open against the tide of objects that littered the floor on the other side; he couldn't see even a square centimetre of the wooden floor of Garrett’s living room. The apartment wasn’t just a mess, it was a _disaster_ zone and it looked like Garrett hadn’t even unpacked anything from when he moved in six months ago. Picking his way across the room on tiptoe, careful not to stand on anything, Andrew looked around in disbelief. Of all the reasons why Garrett had been avoiding him, this was the last thing on _earth_ Andrew would have thought of.

Garrett was sobbing hysterically by this point and Andrew looked desperately around for a place where they could sit; everything was _such_ mess. In the end, he kicked aside a pile of old clothes and some books and pulled Garrett down next to him.

“I - *hic*- tried but I - *hic* - couldn’t - *hic* -,” Garrett cried and Andrew had comforted him the best he could whilst still trying to understand how the _hell_ the apartment had gotten in this state.

“It’s ok,” Andrew had told him as he wrapped his arms around Garrett and held him close, “We’ll get it sorted out, ok?”

They’d sat like that for close to an hour; Andrews’s t-shirt soaked through with tears as Garrett had sobbed all over him. It was far too late to do anything now so Andrew decided that they were best off trying to get some sleep and sort everything out in the morning.

“Where’s your bed?” Andrew had asked and Garrett had pointed tearfully to the mattress in the corner that was buried under a pile of stuff.

That had almost killed him because Garrett must have been absolutely miserable living like this for months on end and Andrew hadn’t even noticed. Throwing whatever clean stuff of Garrett’s he could find into a bag, Andrew had taken him back to his apartment and finally gotten to the bottom of what had been going on. Once he calmed down enough Garrett had tearfully explained how everything had gotten on top of him and he’d been struggling to get himself together; too embarrassed to ask anyone for help. Andrew had made him promise that if he ever got like that again, he was to tell Andrew immediately so he could figure out a way to help. Exhausted, Garrett had slept solidly for ten hours straight and Andrew had used the time to wash some of Garrett’s clothes and sort out a plan of action. Garrett had ended up staying for a whole week and despite everything Andrew couldn’t help but enjoy how nice it was waking up beside him every morning, having breakfast together and eventually falling asleep together.

It had still taken Garrett a couple of weeks to get his head around actually sorting his place out and even longer for him to recover from essentially living as a hermit for six months. Ricky kept badgering Andrew to say something but it just hadn’t felt like the right time; Garrett was still quite fragile and didn’t seem quite himself yet and Andrew hadn’t wanted to cause even more damage. So, yet again he’d waited and continued to offer his support as a friend whilst keeping a close eye on Garrett’s cleaning schedule.

“I don’t think it’s the hoarding,” Andrew said with a frown as he thought back to when he’d last stayed at Garrett’s, “I mean, I was round there a few weeks ago and it was fine.”

“You know he keeps it tidy ‘cus he knows you won’t go round otherwise,” Matt said with a smirk and Andrew felt his face turn red.

"So just to clarify," Ricky interjected to get back to the matter at hand and looking around the table at the other two, “It’s not the hoarding but you had the _perfect_ opportunity to ask Garrett out on a date but didn't, again, and also somehow made him upset.”

"Yeah," Andrew muttered; glaring over at Ricky who smiled sadly at him.

“This is just like Thanksgiving all over again,” Matt said with an exasperated sigh and Andrew blushed bright red again.

They’d come very, _very_ close to kissing when they’d stayed at Garrett’s uncle's house for Thanksgiving. After eating their body weight in turkey they’d had a couple of shots of whiskey before finally tumbling into bed. Laying side by side they’d passed a joint back and forth between them until they’d both starting giggling about something, Andrew couldn’t even remember what, but what he could remember was how the air had shifted and the slight tension between them had grown sexual. It would have been so _easy_ to lean right over and kiss Garrett; to run his hands all over his body and through his hair. Unfortunately, booze and weed had taken over the pair of them and Andrew couldn’t stop himself from falling asleep with Garrett following close behind.

The next morning he’d woken up with Garrett curled up behind him; his erection digging into the small of Andrews back. All the air seemed to have been sucked out of Andrews’s lungs and he hadn’t been at all surprised to find that his own dick was just as hard. Feeling Garrett’s body reacting to him that way, even if he was still asleep, was what had made everything start clicking into place for Andrew. Prior to this most of his thoughts about Garrett had been purely wholesome and he imagined them going on dates and cuddling together; now all he could think about was sex. As silly as it might sound, Andrew had been too scared to even think of doing anything remotely sexual with Garrett even when he was on his own. There wasn’t any doubt in his mind that he _loved_ Garrett but it _terrified_ him that the prospect of a sexual relationship with him might not be what he wanted after all.

However, before Andrew could even decide what he wanted to do, Caleb had drifted in with Walter the Dog cradled in his arms and laid down in between them and Andrew hadn’t been sure whether to be very annoyed or very grateful.

“It’s not the sex stuff that’s putting you off is it?” Ricky asked him and Andrew was pulled out of his trip down memory lane, “Cus I thought all that gay porn I brought you had helped you figure that stuff out?”

Previous to Garrett’s erection Andrew had never had any sexual contact with another guy, although looking back now he could see where there had been points where he’d wanted too. Ever since Thanksgiving his desire for something physical to happen between him and Garrett had almost threatened to overwhelm him, almost to the point of distraction. Unfortunately, Andrew had no real idea of what he was supposed to do with another guy, leaving him feeling silly and embarrassed once again. What if he actually got the chance to be intimate with Garrett had he was really rubbish at the sex stuff because he didn’t know what he was doing? Everyone else he knew that was gay also knew Garrett so Andrew couldn’t exactly ask them for tips either. Thankfully Shane talked about sex a lot, perhaps too much, and Andrew had picked up the jist of what sex with a guy was supposed to be like. He’d been too scared to actually ask either Shane or Ryland outright so for everything else he just did what he always did; he asked Ricky.

Unfortunately, Ricky hadn’t been much help either when it came to the sex bit, although he did offer to go with Andrew to one of the gay bars out of town, but he did buy him a ton of gay porn to watch.

“I didn’t know what you’d like,” he’d told him when he’d dropped by a few weeks earlier and tipped a bag full of DVD's on Andrews kitchen table, “So I got some of everything; you’ve got Cowboys, policemen, some sort of farmer thing and I even found this.”

He’d held up what was clearly the gay porn version of Kill Bill, one of Garrett’s all-time favourite movies, which had artfully been renamed “Drill Bill.” Blushing furiously Andrew had swept the DVDs up and shoved them into the back of his closet only to dig them out a week later when his curiosity got the better of him. The first one he picked was some sort of space-themed scenario and Andrew ended up fast forwarding a lot of it because most of it was just men covered in silver glitter body paint rolling around a pretend space ship clearly made of little more than tin foil. In this reality, all the guys used their penis’s as stun guns which left Andrew feeling more confused rather than aroused.

The second one had been better and was a generic western type thing which Andrew thought was pretty cool. There were only two guys in this as well which was better than the orgy filled first one but after half an hour Andrew had begun to panic because the guys on screen just weren’t doing anything for him. He was barely even hard at this point; what if he wasn’t into guys after all?

“Well you’re not supposed to be thinking about doing it with those dudes are you?” Ricky explained to him when Andrew had called him for advice, “You just look at what they're doing and imagine doing that with Garrett. Come on Andrew; haven’t you watched porn before?”

“Oh,” Andrew mumbled as he flushed red with embarrassment; he hadn’t watched porn since high school.

Settling down he re-played the tape and decided to give the whole Cowboy porn thing one more go. It took him a little while but soon the men on the screen became faceless entities and Andrew had watched the taller of the two on his knees giving his partner a blow job with renewed interest. It didn’t take him long to imagine Garrett in that position or, perhaps more excitingly, _himself_ doing that to Garrett. Like a lightbulb being switched on inside his head, Andrews’s body was already beginning to react and he eagerly pulled his tracksuit pants off in order to get more comfortable. Everything happened very quickly after that and after rolling around in hay barn the shorter guy began riding the other guy’s dick. Andrew’s hand had disappeared below the waistband of his underwear and he easily conjured up the image of Garrett moaning like that. His dick felt hot and hard in his hand and Andrew bit back a moan of his own as he began to desperately touch himself; images of Garrett flittering across his mind. It was the thought of Garrett on his hands and knees groaning in pleasure that had finally tipped Andrew over the edge; the orgasm that hit him being the most intense he’d ever felt. After his little epiphany, Andrew couldn’t look at Garrett without blushing furiously for weeks but that didn’t stop him thinking about Garrett’s dick every night before he went to sleep. He’d told Ricky as much when his friend had asked him how it went but Andrews insides squirmed at the thought of having to tell Matt that yes, he _did_ jerk off whilst thinking about Garrett thank you very much.

“I’m fine with the sex stuff, I just wasn’t ready back then; besides I wasn’t about to do anything with Caleb and the dog there!” Andrew insisted as he began to get even more flustered, “I wanted it all to be perfect; that’s why I waited until after the holidays so I could plan it all out!”

Enough was enough and Andrew had decided that as soon as he got back to LA after Christmas and New Year he was finally going to confess all to Garrett. It was just him and his mom at home so he’d sat her down and had awkwardly explained that he wanted to date a guy. It had taken her a while to get her head around it but she seemed pretty cool about it in the end and insisted that he bring Garrett to stay the next time he visited. It felt like a massive weight had been lifted off his shoulders and Andrew finally felt able to relax and be who he truly was supposed to be. Garrett was still with his family for New Year so that gave Andrew ample time to plan out what he was going to say with Ricky’s help so he didn’t get too nervous and mess it all up. Shane had asked him to start work the day after New Year which was cool but Andrew had arranged to meet up with Garrett as soon as he got back. Twenty nineteen was already starting off pretty good and Andrew had even been a lot more flirty with Garrett than he usually would be when they texted; unable to wipe the smile off his face even when Shane asked him why he was giddy.

Then he’d gotten the phone call.

Garrett was crying so hard Andrew could barely understand what he was saying and he was even more confused when Matt had taken over the phone call. Standing in the middle of Shane’s brand new editing room Andrew had felt completely helpless when Matt had calmly explained what was wrong. Dropping everything, Andrew had raced over to Garrett’s apartment without even stopping to explain to Shane where he was running off to. The sudden illness of a much-loved family member had left Garrett utterly distraught and Andrew had held onto him tight as he’d sobbed uncontrollably in his arms; Matt slipping quietly out of the door. Then, when everything had gotten so much worse Andrew would leave Shane’s in the middle of the night and go to Garrett’s, even if it was only for a few hours, to keep him company.

“I’m fine,” Garrett would insist even though he clearly wasn’t, “You don’t have to come over all the time Andrew.”

“No you’re not,” Andrew said when he unpacked the food he’d brought over because Garrett couldn’t bring himself to go to the grocery store, “You don’t have to pretend with me, Garrett.”

What Garrett had needed was a friend; not someone who was about to declare his undying love for him and Andrew had done his very best to be that friend. Even though he was desperate to tell Garrett how he really felt about him, Andrew kept his feelings to himself. There was just too much going on for Garrett to handle at that particular moment and Andrew figured he could wait just a _little_ longer. That’s why he was so insistent on asking Garrett out on Valentine’s Day, so he could make it _really_ special for him. Over the past couple of weeks he had been doing a lot better mentally so Andrew had decided that this was it; he was _finally_ gonna shoot his shot. However, now everything had gone wrong somehow and Andrew anxiously pinged the elastic band on his wrist as he thought about Garrett being upset _again_ but this time it was because of something he’d done.

“Stop it,” Ricky told him pointedly; grabbing Andrews’s wrist and stilling his hand, “We can fix this.”

Tucking his hands underneath the table Andrew looked hopefully at the other two; Matt had been silent for the last ten minutes and was currently deep in thought. Ricky meanwhile was going over the timeline of “Gandrew Fuckups” to figure out if they’d missed anything else. Maybe he hadn’t lost his chance after all? Garrett could have just been upset about something else and taken it out on him… but _what_ though? Or maybe Garrett wasn’t in the right headspace after all and still needed time to adjust to everything that had happened over the past year. Andrews’s stomach dropped a little at the thought that he might have to wait even _longer_ to tell Garrett that he was in love with him.

“Ok, new plan,” Matt told them as he came out of his revere and pointed at Andrew who was already listening eagerly, “You go over to his apartment; no fancy dinner, no big gesture, no Disney shit. You sit him down and tell him how you feel and you're completely honest with him. Sound good?”

It was simple, direct and to the point and Andrew felt a little silly that he hadn’t just done this in the first place. There was no way he could handle going yet _another_ month trying to keep a lid of his feelings that had practically reached boiling point by now. Plus being around couples all the time like Shane and Ryland and Matt and CeCe wasn’t helping much either and Andrew found himself becoming irrationally jealous.

“Yeah,” he said; feeling a lot better about the situation now he’d talked it over with Matt and Ricky, “Yeah, I’ll just go round there tomorrow night and talk to him.”

“Don’t go texting him either like I know you were just about to,” Matt told him; pointing at the phone Andrew had hidden under the table as he got up to leave, “Just leave him to cool off for a bit and _then_ you can talk to him all you want when you go round there.”

“I won’t,” Andrew muttered guiltily as he slid his phone away from him, “I won’t talk to him until tomorrow I promise.”

Hours later, when he was lying in bed and ignoring Matt’s instructions, Andrew snapped a picture of his stuffed animal collection and sent it to Garrett with the caption “The Soft Squad Says Hi!”; eagerly waiting for a response. Two, three hours passed and when Garrett still hadn’t responded Andrew threw his phone aside and finally gave up as he fell into a fitful, miserable sleep. 


End file.
